Episode 3: Washi, Pancakes, Confusing morality play involving carrots

Episode 3: Washi, Pancakes, Confusing morality play involving carrots


The show opens with the sound of footsteps in a hallway and the sight of Rakka looking around. It's possible that she's looking for whoever is playing the soundtrack at the moment. This building appears to have enough history and vacancies to house many backstory-filled episodes. Too bad there are only 13 of them, but it adds an aura.


Rakka: As I’m wandering around this mostly-vacant dormitory, I keep coming across pieces of foundation falling around me. I hope that’s not foreshadowing!


She turns and continues, but not before reminding people that her halo causes her hair to make funny noises and stand on end.


Rakka: If I don't get some resolution on this subplot soon I'm going to hit somebody.


Rakka continues to a door and contemplates knocking, which is the most tension-filled moment in the series thus far.


Reki screams


Rakka: That wasn't anywhere near as cool as my scream a few episodes back. You'll have to do better.


Reki is sitting on the floor, covered by a blanket and not paying attention to Rakka's taunts. She looks unnerved.


Rakka: Are you okay?


Reki: I'm fine. I fell out of bed. I fall out of my top bunk and scream all of the time. This is normal. Are you buying any of this?


Rakka: Not really, but how did you get the blanket off of you so fast?


Reki: Just chalk it up to a very rare continuity flaw.


Rakka: So, you paint?


Reki: I do, but there's no way I'm showing it to you now. It's too soon in the story for those revelations.


Rakka: Are they in here?


Reki shouts "Panic" and "Plot Point!" at the same time, but it just comes out as "Don't" when spoken aloud. Must be a translation error.


Reki: Sorry, but I'm a mess. Crap, I mean I'm a mess in that room. I mean...oh screw it, just hold off on that place until the last episode, okay?


Rakka: Sure enough. Breakfast is ready.


Reki: My smokes and I would like to eat alone this morning.


Rakka: I've also been called to the Hi, Bonny! Renmei temple. Who's she?


Reki: Just take a secondary character along and you'll be fine.


Rakka leaves Reki and her cigarette to themselves. Reki makes a deep sigh and soon as the door closes and kicks the bucket.


INTELLECTUAL ANIME FANS: WOW, that has to be symbolism! Did she just resign herself to her own eventual death?


Reki: Oh for the love of....would you just notice that I'm talking about my recurring dream that is apparently not pleasant? That's all I was going for.


Scene change: We're at the hill of windmills, and life is again simple and Rakka is agonizing over little things again.


Rakka: Should I worry that I burst in on her?


Hikari: Would you be the new and adorably shy character if you didn't?


Rakka: Understood.


Nemu: Reki and I used to room together and we used to fight a lot. That really doesn't have anything to do with what's going on in this episode, but keep it in your back pocket for future reference, okay?


Rakka: I guess. Are we not following Nemu into town?


Hikari: No, the temple is on the outskirts and nowhere near something familiar and safe. If it was, we could have mentioned it in the last episode, but there are different themes this time.


Rakka and Hikari head in one direction and Nemu in another.


Hikari: I noticed your halo is finally up on its own. I can sleep a little easier now.


Rakka: Why is that?


Hikari: No reason - hey look a bridge over a waterfall!


Hikari's misdirection works, as Rakka stares apprehensively at the bridge crossing the falls.


Rakka: You think I'm crossing this thing?


Hikari: Come on! I'll show you how safe it is by flailing around like a girl who often wants to be part of the action but ends up biting off more than she can chew!


Rakka: You'd never do that to my detriment, would you?


Hikari: Hold that thought, I'm slipping!


Rakka grabs Hikari's arm and runs to the other side.


Hikari: The reminds me, we're not going to be going through what names mean this episode, but I know there are some people who haven't caught on yet. Can you almost fall to your death after watching me almost fall to mine?


Rakka: Will do.


Rakka trips on a pebble and almost starts falling down the side of a cliff.


Rakka: Do you think the audience gets it yet?


Hikari: I hope so. I'm just glad Nemu isn't going through all of this, or this part of the episode would have dragged on for quite awhile.


The girls reach a rather ominous building. We're not told what it is yet, it could be a giant outhouse for all we know. Suddenly we see a sickle attached to a man wearing a straw hat, a robe, and a face mask. He says nothing, yet stares intently at the girls.


Rakka: Why do I get the feeling I'm going to be offering up my firstborn by the end of this series?


CREEPY ANIME FANS: Wow! That'd be a cool plot twist!


Hikari: Shh!


Hikari and Rakka silence themselves in front of the unnamed guy, who promptly puts bells on the tips of their wings. Hikari tries to give him the halo mold, but the mute man directs them inside.


ANNOYING ANIME FANS: I can't believe the stupid American dub removed a whole section of dialog, just because they couldn't figure out how to translate the Toga's commands. Next time I'm sticking to my fansubs instead of downloading the dubbed version!!


Hikari: You do that. We've got to go inside. Rakka, you can't talk in here. Flap your left wing for “yes,” and your right wing for “no.”


Rakka: The Haibane Renmei sound much too political for me.


They enter what appears to be the temple, and it's impressive. Inside is a garden with an open ceiling. There are trees, plants, and apparently a man who fancies himself as the next Wizard of Oz.


Communicator: Haibane, I hope my voice gives off enough fear and authority to keep you in your place.


Haikari flaps a wing, but Rakka's not paying attention. She could have been saying yes, no, or “I've got an inch right on that spot on my wing I can't scratch, please help me!” and Rakka would not have been able to know. They proceed.


Communicator: Your name is Rakka, correct? Of the Old Home nest, I believe you are Number 6.


Rakka almost pops a vein trying to get her right wing to go up on its own.


Communicator Please try to acclimate yourself to your new wings. Man, I can say anything in this voice and come off as assertive. I need to use this to keep the dog off the couch at home.


Rakka and Hikari, unable to say anything, just stare.


Communicator: Enjoy your stay. Remember to find a job and be a good Haibane. Those are probably obscure ideas for you at the moment, and I should probably tell you not to fret the “good Haibane” thing so much. It may just send you into a depression that lasts for years, but that's just a theory. Anything else?


Rakka and Hikari flap “no.”


Communicator: Be seeing you.


They both leave, and we fade to a new scene outside of the temple.


Rakka: That was nerve-wracking – I suspect that you withheld information in order to feel like you were in charge.


Hikari: But you got your wings to work.


Rakka: (ignoring her) Hi, Kuu!!


Hikari: Huh? I know this is a somewhat artsy Japanese show, but we largely refrain from poetry when simply conversing.


Rakka: No, I just saw Kuu over by the windmills.


Hikari: She's not there now. Must just be a random coincidence. I'm sure we'll explore that a little more later. I'm off to work.


Rakka: I'm off to Old Home to check in with Reki.


Hikari: You know, when chicks are first hatched they latch onto the first thing they see – it's called “imprinting.” I have no idea why I thought of that just now.


Rakka: Aren't you late for work?


Hikari moves on down the road, while Rakka turns and sees Reki chasing down a crew of unexplained children. She's got a frying pan in one hand and a spatula in the other. We are not hold what this ancient Haibane disciplinary ritual would entail, and it is perhaps rather disturbing since the children run off when Reki is sidetracked when she sees Rakka.


Reki: How'd it go?


Rakka: Hikari didn't tell me what the heck was going on, so I was freaked out by the old guy with the reverb box under his mask.


Reki: Don't listen to him to much – I never have and I turned out okay!


Rakka: I'm not touching that one – so I take it you cook?


Reki: I do, I'm basically the babysitter for the little feathers.


Rakka: Can I help? It feels like this episode is going to be rather laid back so I might as well contribute to the feel.


Reki: You do that, but while you do you're getting another info dump.


Rakka: Fire away, we've been pretty light on this so far today.


Reki: Here's the thing: There aren't a lot of places Haibane can work. Jobs are limited to things that fit this quaint setting.


Rakka: None of the Haibane work in a beer brewery or direct low-budget slasher films I take it.


Reki: Hardly.


Rakka: So in looking for a job, I should choose something fitting to the setting of the series, and thereby revealing a little bit of character development along the way?


Reki: Bingo. Maybe you can shadow each of us, and it'll fill up more episodes and establish characters and settings before any major conflict arises later.


Rakka: I see – so your job is to boss the little kids around, correct?


Reki: Not bad.


We enter a room full of unexplained children whining over bowls of carrots. Adding to the confusion is an old woman.


Old Woman: Did they get away?


Reki: For now. Why can't we get these little brats to eat their carrots?


Old Woman: Because they have a lousy teacher. Start shoveling!


Reki: Rakka, start earning your keep.


ANNOYING ANIME FANS: Wow, the animation just took a serious dive. What third-world country did they outsource their backgrounds to in this episode? That photograph of Hikari looks horrible!


Undeterred, Reki coaxes Rakka into eating the carrots.


Rakka: I hope cooked carrots are directly involved in the Haibane Renmei's plan for us, because this whole scene is kind of strange.


Reki: Just eat them, it's your first job as a good Haibane.


Rakka: The Renmei have some rather odd soteriology (*takes a bite*) mmm good! (to Reki) got a bucket handy?


Reki: Hold on, I've got to traumatize Hana here – hey, kid! Eat your carrots or a monster's going to come get you.


Hana is shocked by this revelation, and flees to Rakka's side only to get distracted.


Hana: You smell like cake!


The other kids surround her and take a smell. The kids start clamoring for pancakes. For whatever reason, everyone except Reki can smell it.


INTELLECTUAL ANIME FANS: I wonder if that's because her senses are so numb to those around her. She's such a tortured, complex individual that she can't even tell when her...


Reki: ...Or, it may be because I've got a cigarette in my mouth and can't smell anything faint anymore.


The Old Woman puts a stop to this, as she demands the kids finish their carrots in order to get pancakes.


Rakka: You know, this whole scene has been weird, so I'll volunteer to go get them so I can leave.


Rakka does so, and a number of prodigal unexplained children meet up with her. She offers them amnesty. After this bit of reconciliation, Kuu runs up to Rakka.


Rakka: Nice hat.


Kuu: Glad you noticed it, but it's just a hat. No, really.


Rakka: I believe you, and I'm sure it'll come off later on and simply be a rare wardrobe change. Can you tell me where Hikari's bakery is?


Kuu: Let's go now.


Rakka: Did I see you in the windmills a little while ago?


Kuu: Probably, I was going into town to buy this hat.


Rakka: That's not really what I asked, but it is cute.


Kuu: Ignoring that - Tally Ho!


Kuu's also finds out that it's easy to redirect the newbie as they continue to bike into town.


Rakka: I wish we could just fly there.


Kuu: We will someday, just trust me. And since I'm the youngest main character, I'm allowed to speak wisdom into a moment that may be misconstrued as simple child-like wishing.


Rakka: And since I'm new here, I have no idea how to take what you just said.


This short bout of foreshadowing is interrupted by scenes of the village. We have a montage of Kuu playing tour guide to Rakka, along with Kuu extending her arms out.


Rakka: Are you doing a sobriety test?


Kuu: No, it just kind of looks like I'm flying.


Rakka: But you already have wings.


Kuu: I'm just going to have to play the "youngest main character" card. Besides, it's cute!


Rakka: True, so since everyone has a job, what is yours?


Kuu: I clean tables and get sugar cubes.


Rakka: So Haibane are pretty much cheap labor for the townsfolk?


Kuu: Yeah, Nemu works at the library and tells me that all of the books about labor unions mysteriously vanished one night.


Rakka: Strange.


Kuu: Changing topics, I'm happy to be in a unique position where I get to act like both your superior and little sister at once.


Rakka: It's almost providential.

We see in the distance an older man speaking to a crow while waving a broom at him. This appears to not have the desired effect, since the crow is neither leaving nor talking back to the man.

Kuu: It must be the cubes, I can't keep on a single topic today, sorry. Aren't the crows interesting? You have been paying attention to them, right?

Rakka: They've been in every episode so far, so I'm guessing they're important.

Kuu: Like I'm going to say this early in the series. Just keep it in mind that as your superior that you hold in high regard, I kind of want to talk to them. If this gives off the notion of me as being intuitive regarding the world around me in ways others aren't -- or possibly even a little flighty -- my work is almost done here.

Rakka: Now that I'm lost in thought about the crows, what were we doing? Oh yeah, getting to Hikari's bakery.

Kuu and Rakka enter Hikari's Bakery, which likely has a different name than "Hikari's Bakery" given the Haibane's social stature.

Unnamed Women: You must be friends of Hikari's? She's in the back.

ANNOYING ANIME FANS: Why is the woman sitting at the counter forced to wear a head covering while none of the other females preparing the food are? I'm sick of all of these continuity issues! I'm off to another series....

Rakka: I give up – what is with them?


Kuu: How to explain this....do you see those trees over there? (points out the window)


Rakka: You mean the ones in the forest?


Kuu: Exactly. They can't. And if you can't see the trees everyone else can, it must be their fault.

Rakka: Sounds depressing.

Kuu and Rakka enter the kitchen and it's loud and busy -- as least as loud and busy as things get in this series. Hikari and a few older men are working and shouting bread types at each other.

Old Man: Are you friends of Hikari's?

Rakka: *Sighs* Yes we are. So much for sneaking in here and grabbing a few bear claws while going incognito.

Hikari: Hi guys!

Rakka: We're here to establish where you work, buy some treats for the unexplained children, and help with anything else you need to do.

Hikari: Great, I've been wanting to wrap up a minor subplot or two for awhile now, but hang on I'm kind of busy.

Old Man: She does great work here!

Hikari: I know it's rare of me to deflect credit or attention, but every one else does more.

Old Man: Not at all, in fact, we made a new pastry out of this ring-shaped mold that kind of looks like a halo. You know, like the ones on your heads. I wonder where she got it.

Rakka: Well, that wraps up two subplots at once! Still, I want to establish that I'm kind of cute when I'm angry at little things.

Hikari: And if I act sheepish, will that help?

Rakka: Maybe a little. I still want the last word in this argument as lead character.

INTELLECTUAL ANIME FANS: Does Hikari's use of such an important tool of The Renmei in this cavalier manner suggest that she is in fact a free-thinking Haibane, one that does not see uses for such archaic instruments that merely support a caste system among living individuals? Why is this series focusing so little on a defiant character wishing to subversively bring about change in a novel manner?

Kuu: We warned you last time. Too much more and we'll attack again.

The scene changes back to Reki and the Old Women watching the unexplained children chomp down on some sacrilegious doughnuts.

Reki: I guess we should somehow tie this all back to carrots.

Old Woman: I can one up you and tie your dislike of carrots to the fact that you're still a kid inside, despite all of the cigarettes and bossiness that attempt to hide it.

Reki: Ouch! That kind of stings for a throwaway line.

Old Woman: And what if I just causally mention that you ran away once? Would that solidify my arguments?

INTELLECTUAL ANIME FANS: So the carrots represent Reki's emotionally stunted psyche? Or do halo cakes represent her desire to go back to a time when she didn't have to worry about the life of an adult?

Reki: Huh? Seriously, sometimes a carrot is just a carrot. Don't knock yourselves out over it again.

Back in the dining room and Hikari is showing off her latest invention.

Kana: Wow, I forgot I was in this episode!

Nemu: Me too.

Kana: At least you got a few lines earlier!

Kuu: Don't worry, you'll get your turn. I don't even butt into your episode as much, Kana!

However, Rakka hears none of this. She's washing her halo under a sink in the other room. Apparently the halo comes off once it sticks. Who knew?

Hikari: I'm sorry. On the upside, my character is better established, right?

Rakka: Wait until I put my halo back on.

Hikari: It sounds like your hair is still making funny noises.

Rakka: Oh well, I guess if we end this episode with a laugh, people will think everything is cute and cheery from now on. I'll let them think that for now.

Episode II – Town, Wall, Toga, Toga, Toga

It's been awhile, but I thought it was time to finally get this uploaded. Enjoy!




(Scene: Morning at Old Home. We pan down while hearing a girl struggling to get dressed while finding a place for her wings to go.)

Rakka: Grunt, whine, grunt, bounce. Man, if I ever decide to hit the beach as a Haibane, I'll have to remember to wear a bikini. There's no way I'm wearing a one piece.

(Rakka finally manages to get her wings to go where she wants them to)

Rakka: Cool! That subtle nod to the theme of this episode is complete! Still, I'm stuck wearing this potato sack of a dress. What cult did I just walk into?

Unexplained kids: Reki!!

Reki: Sorry, I can only allow you in here long enough to break up Rakka's introspection. Head outside and wait for your next scene.

(The children race outside, ad libbing their way out the door)

Reki: I'm glad the dress fits.

Rakka: It fits, but I pulled three potatoes out of it before I came out here.

Reki: We're not really that fashionable, but you're getting ahead of me. Since I'm the only adult Haibane here at the moment, you should probably assume that I'm sort of the leader here. I haven't really said that, but I'd love for you to infer it.

Rakka: Oh, fair enough, what to do next?

Reki: Come see the scenery on the balcony. It'll give the show a chance to introduce the surroundings.

(Rakka does so, as we see her walk out into the light)

Rakka: Woah, I'm blinded by the light. It's almost too much for me to take in at once, which I hope is consistent with the theme here.

(Rakka looks around, and it's the town alright. Melancholic music plays as Rakka surveys her new digs)

Rakka: These shoes are too loud. There goes my plan of sneaking out of here at night. I wonder if anyone's ever tried that before.

Reki: What was that?

Rakka: Oh, uh, Nothing, Reki. I'm just musing that this whole thing is new to me.

Reki: I understand. I mean, you'd think it'd be self-evident by now, but I guess it's good to reiterate the plot for the new comers.

Rakka: I have no idea who I am or where I'm from. I know deep down that...

Unnamed little Girl: Wow, you get moody easily, I'm here to brighten your mood and cheer up the audience.

Rakka: Oh thanks. This fish out of the water thing is new for me.

Unnamed little Girl: I guess I'm not going to be any help with that. Still, watch this.

(ULG sticks out her hands and beats her wings together. It's actually a pretty cool trick, and could probably win you a few bar bets provided you didn't look like a 6-year-old girl with wings)

ANNOYING ANIME FANS: I wonder if Haibane can get drunk. I mean, if they aren't human, what type of blood do they have? Do they have better livers? I'll have to dress up as a Haibane and ask the producers at the next con.

CREEPY ANIME FANS: Wow, I wonder what Hikari and Kana are like drunk...

Rakka: Gross! Anyway, letsee..OW! I think I pulled something.

Reki: Oh, let me properly introduce the audience to Hana by scolding her. It's a pretty cool, backhanded way to give names of people.

(Reki's back to asserting her authority by combing out Rakka's wings.)

Reki: Hold Still. This whole scene is being done to re-iterate the point about your newfound life, while showing how unprepared you are for the real world.

Rakka: I can't help it! It's all involunatry. (*wing spasm*) Sorry!

Reki: Don't Worry, you lose too many more and I'm going to make you a pillow.

Unexplained Children: Since we're kids, we're reserving the right to pester you with questions and show off how cute we can be. It's one of our few talents. The other one is confusing the audience as to our origins.

Reki: That's fine for now, but you should really allow me to make myself the center of...

Kuu: Hey! We're in this show, too you know!

Reki: Rats..I mean good morning!

(Kuu, Hikari, Kana, and Nemu are on the ground. Nemu and Kana are standing by bicycles, while the other two are not. Hikari has breakfast in her hands, while Kuu is clearly empty-handed)

INTELLECTUAL ANIME FANS: I get it! Kuu is the only person without something in her hands, symbolizing her lack of desire, therefore demonstrating her ability to leave her life as a Haibane behind. This show is so Zen Buddhist in its philosophy.

Kuu: Actually, I'm just the youngest and didn't think of others' burdens due to my own immaturity. Sorry to burst that bubble.

Hikari: We've got breakfast!

(Scene: All around a large table. The children are eating breakfast. Reki is pouring hot tea, presumably into a sort of basin. She may just be pouring it into a paper bag for all we know, since we've yet to be well-versed in Haibane culture.)

Nemu: How are you doing, Rakka?

Rakka: Not bad. My wings only act up now if the plot calls for it. Otherwise, they're just fine.

Reki: It's time for some exposition – this room we're having breakfast in is mine, even if we all consider it a guest room.

Nemu: I'm just going to keep talking to Reki to further this along, as well as help with the inference that we're obviously the oldest and get along rather well.

Reki: Good idea, meanwhile I'm going to light up in front of these kids. Anyone mind?

Nemu: Not really, but this might be a good time to remind everyone of our names and sources thereof.

Kana: Nemu sleeps hard-core, dude!

Rakka: Hard Core? Has that type of slang has followed me out here?

Kuu: Is that cool were you're from, or is it outdated?

Rakka: I don't remember, but it seems out of place for such a serene, quaint setting.

Kana: It's post-modern, Like the fact that we're all sitting by a Western-styled table even though we have Japanese names. Makes you think, huh?

Rakka: Oh yeah, names. This is probably a good time to re-introduce everyone.

Kana: But first, the kids:

Previously Unnamed Little Girl: I'm Hana, which means flower.

Rakka: I'll take your word for it.

Shorta: I dreamt about Cake, really!

Still unnamed little boy: Don't lie!

Shorta: You can't say I didn't, you were Never There!

Reki: That's enough! Your attitude Ain't No Good.

Rakka: Reki, what's your name mean?

(Silence. Lots and lots of silence)

Reki: ...

Little Boy: Stones!

Reki: Pretty much. I guess I'd better tease you just a little with my gloomy dream. We all can't be nostalgic and have fluffy memories, can we?

Kuu: That's it, we were getting somewhere character-development wise. I'm going to have to break this up.

Rakka: Yeah, Reki. Show, don't tell.

Reki: I'll make note of that for later. Speaking of which, I'm glad Kuu implied Rakka needed my permission to leave for awhile.

Hikari: We're off!

Reki: Take it slowly, Rakka. You're still a newborn.

Rakka: Thanks for reinterating the theme! See ya!

(Reki stays with the kids while the others exit to a group of strings. It's pretty peppy for this world.)

Kuu: Wee! My arms are stretched out like wings! I haven't a care in the world! Don't I look content?

Rakka: She's so cute and carefree!

(Kuu takes Rakka's hand as they go flying down the hill. Not literally, of course. We think. After a few seconds of finding her balance, Rakka eases into things and smiles as the camera moves towards the horizon.)

Rakka: Now that's a metaphor if I've ever seen one!

Kuu: Stop on this bridge. We're far enough out of Old Home that we need to establish location.

(Rakka looks around and sees a lot of farm land, windmills, and buildings that look run-down. The other three catch up.)

Rakka: So we're in rural Iowa?

Nemu: It's exposition time. That's our living quarters. It has an ambiguous history, which lends to a air of mystery. Pretty cool, huh?

Hikari: We call it Old Home, which makes it sound like a place for people with dementia, but it's really not.

Kana: We all live there with the unexplained children and an old woman. It totally sounds like a plot to a sitcom, but it isn't.

Rakka: Thanks for explaining things for me. I think I'm starting to get an idea of how things run in this world. I think I'm getting my footing, so to speak.

Nemu: Really? I'm glad you think that, since there's a monkey wrench heading your way right now.

(A wingless farmer without any wings drives by on a tractor, which is carrying a bale of hay. The tractor has no wings either. Rakka stops to observe both of these twists in the plot.)

Rakka: Huh? Hey, we are you guys going?

Hikari: We kept walking while you didn't. That's our way of saying that this is normal in this world. It adds to the whole “fish out of water” experience for you.

Rakka: Why don't they have wings?

Hikari: Loaded answer time, sit back this may take awhile.

Kana: The humans are letting us live in their town. We're so low on the totem pole that we may only use things the humans don't want any more.

Rakka: That means you must listen to a lot of Kathie Lee Gifford's CDs.

Kana: Yeah, it sucks. However, we're supposed to be getting a huge shipment of Fergie in about 9 months.

(The girls arrive in town and it is, as expected, quaint. The European structure gives an idealistic, timeless feel to the town. A calm guitar and harmoica play in the background.)

Rakka: I like this song. I'll have to remember to find the official soundtrack.

Kuu: Yeah, there's a problem with that plan...

Rakka: Why isn't anyone moving?

Nemu: I'm not really sure. It could be that we're supposed to be taking in all of the charm of this town, this being your first time here an all.

INTELLECTUAL ANIME FANS: Is it possible that this town is only alive when the Haibane arrive? I guess that all of these people are there to assist the Haibane on their mission, so when they leave the town goes into suspended animation.

Kana: Okay, now you're pushing it.

Rakka: Who are they?

Kuu: Those guys? Their mission is to find meaning where it may exist, and where it does not exist, impose it.

Nemu: They're fun to screw with. Watch this:

Nemu: Hey, Hikari, have you ever noticed that my boss at the library has been pregnant for as long as I've been a Haibane?

INTELLECTUAL ANIME FANS: -sounds of heads hitting the keyboard-

Nemu: That should take care of them for awhile.

(Rakka begins to look self-conscious about her makeshift burlap dress)

Kuu: I'd better start establishing myself as the little-big sister here quick, while I have the time.

Kana: Okay, but you mean the used clothes shop, right?

Hikari: Of course, that fact has been more or less stated already.

Kana: I know, I'm just berating it for the slower viewers. Tally ho!

(The scene changes to a used clothes store where a young man is listening to something on his old radio via headphones. It could be propaganda broadcasts from beyond the city, but we're not told. This small scene would drive the intellectual fans batty for hours, were they conscious.)

Unnamed Clerk: My dismissive voice implies that Haibane aren't on the high end of the caste system here. It looks like you've got a new face there.

Rakka: No, I've always had this face.

Hikari: She needs something a little nicer to wear for the DVD covers and wall hangings.

Unnamed Clerk: There's plenty of things next to the narrow ties and leisure suits in the back.

Rakka: Thanks!

Unnamed Clerk: Meanwhile, the rest of you...

(The clerk pulls out a box of clothes that causes the others to recoil.)

Unnamed Clerk: We give you free clothes, you get doted on, life must be easy.

Kana: It's not, but you're getting ahead of us. Rakka's not listening, which will lead to some nice dramatic irony for her later on.

(The non-Rakka Haibane start writing in a small tablet)

Rakka: Great, I assume this is going to be some point of learning for me?

Kana: We use a sheet of paper instead of money.

Unnamed Clerk: Since you're new, just sign this sheet, and leave a feather.

(Nemu yanks a feather from her back. Rakka's, not Nemu's – although that would be impressive to watch)

Rakka: There's some symbolism and metaphor there, but I'm still not certain what it means.

Unnamed Clerk: And to prove I'm not just a curmudgeon, I'll even make a few slits where your wings will go. I hope you're getting the feeling that we bend over backwards for you Haibane, and are sensing the dichotomy regarding our relationships.

(The group leaves as Rakka goes through her third outfit in less than two episodes)

Hikari: To maintain the aura of the setting, we're drinking tea.

Rakka: While we're at it, I finally heard the name of the series about 40 minutes in. What Gives?

Nemu: “Haibane Renmei” means “Charcoal Feather Federation.”

Rakka: When why not just say that?

Kana: There'd be a massive revolt by hardcore fans.

Hikari: Basically, the Renmei make sure we're taken care of. They run the place.

Rakka: Are they a mysterious group?

Kana: Would it be any fun if they weren't?

Kuu: Hey! I'm in this scene, too! I'm so carefree and disconnected from discussion about Haibane Renmei and work. I just like this little kitty! Aren't I a little free spirit?

(The other three girls continue to talk about their jobs while Kuu ad-libs)

Kuu: Speak of the devil.

Kana: They're holding market, so the Toga must be here. Take my word for it.

Rakka: Oh, yippie, another time of exposition.

(The Toga arrive with a menacing-looking dog. They're in costume and have their mouths covered. Some are pushing a large cart, while others just add to the over tone you get that the Toga are pretty mysterious.)

Toga: ... (Hi, folks. We'll be doing our impression of a mine for most of the series).

(The unwinged townspeople stare and whisper in from of the Toga. Their somewhat informal approach to this event should show their familiarity with the Toga and this tradition.)

Rakka: I've been so immersed in the details of my new life that I didn't even notice the HUGE WALLS VISIBLE FROM ANYWHERE IN TOWN. I don't know how I missed them until now. Must be providential.

Nemu: The town is surrounded by walls. Only the Toga can come in and go out. It's a little like a Baptist school in the midwestern US.

Rakka: Apparently.

Kana: There's a lot you should know, but just know this: they can't talk to us, and shouldn't touch us. I don't know what happens if they come in contact with the Haibane, but maybe we'll find out someday.

Rakka: I hope there isn't a test afterwards, this is starting to get thick.

Kana: We can't talk to them. Got that? We can't talk to them. Really. Don't try. The only people who can communicate with the Toga is a guy named the Communicator.

ANNOYING ANIME FANS: HEY! His name is “Washi!” I have proof on my downloaded fansubs which have superior translations and none of the ignorant Americanization of the R1 copies.

Kuu: Put a sock in it, kids.

Hikari: The toga use hand signals and sign language to communicate. I like pretending I'm involved in major things around here, but I'm guessing you'll pick up on that sooner or later. That's why I'm faking the sign language.

Toga: That Haibane girl just told us to bunt so the guy on second can get to third. I have no idea what that means.

Nemu: The Toga do all of this work for us and ask so little in return – no pun intended.

Kuu: Rakka, would you like an example of when you ignore some of these traditions and rules? (to the Toga, which Kana subtly implied is a bad idea) Thank you!

All Haibane: *gasp*

(The music grows dissonant while a Toga looks the way of the Haibane. He looks, well, exactly the same as before. He could be happy that a young one has broken this silly tradition, but how would we know?)

Nemu: Exit, stage right.

(The Haibane flee, save Rakka who is entranced by a crow.)

Rakka: I just took about three different takes at that crow, so make note of that.

(The Communicator taps his cane and the bird flees)

Kana: It's about time I make it known that I don't really like the crows. For now, I'll leave that open-ended and ambiguous. Remind me to expound on that later.

Rakka: If I remember, I will.

(We pan down to the shot of the town as we see the Haibane going down a dusty road and over a small bridge. There are rusted windmills in the background for some reason.)

Rakka: What's beyond the walls?

Nemu: Too soon, newbie.

Kana: I should make another joke about Nemu's narcolepsy. We've been in exposition mode from a long time.

Nemu: And I'll just make a violent threat that my demeanor suggests I will never act upon.

Rakka: Fine, just ignore me as I ponder if I used to exist outside the walls.

Kuu: And somehow, I'm the only one who heard that. Paying attention, people?

(The Haibanes arrive back at Old Home with Kuu again in flying position, which certainly has no foreshadowing or anything like that. It's probably just part of her personality.)

Nemu: The Haibane Renmei have been here, and they welcome Rakka.

Rakka (reading): “We accept you...Gooble Gobble” ... what does that mean??

Kana: Oh, never mind them, they just want your soul.

Rakka: I get that your kidding, but doesn't that just seem out of place?

(Nemu, Reki, Kana, and Hikari all have an odd conversation on how Kana is the “wild” one, which in context still makes her look really tame)

Kuu: Okay, off to bed after we establish that everyone lives in their own room in different parts of the building. It's not like we have a big slumber party every night.

CREEPY ANIME FANS: Awww.....

Rakka: Reki, you're still up? That's an awfully pensive look for someone I regard as usually upbeat and confident.

Reki: Think nothing of it. I'm just waiting up for you, but am too passive-aggressive at this point in the story to make a big deal of it.

Rakka: I think I understand, I'll put on some tea for you – which should show that I'm confident enough to be a little independent for now.

(Reki kicks back, in thought. After a few seconds of silence, a pot crashes off screen)

Rakka: Suddenly I'm exhaused and ready for bed. Does that mean the episode is wrapping up?

Reki: Yes, It also reminds us that you're still a newborn and you still need me. Really. I'm sure that's what it means.

Rakka: Oh look, my halo holder fell off. I guess the theme of the episode is fulfilled.

Reki: I think so, but I'll still be doting on you for awhile.

Rakka: I look forward to it, so goodnight. I'm sure I'll be ready to learn more from you about life as a Haibane tomorrow.

Reki: Good night.

(off screen, with her hands folded together, tapping her fingers against each other) excellent.

Haibane Parody - Episode I - Falling, Crashing, Yelling

Episode I: Falling, Crashing, Yelling



(obscure splashing noises)

Rakka: Check it out, I'm falling in my dreams. Like that never happens to anyone.

Crow: Caw, Caw, etc...

Rakka: Me too, I'm not afraid, but I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm talking to myself so much. Weird, huh?

(Crow moves to Rakka's chest)

Rakka: Woah, I just thought: If someone was looking at me falling, and with this Crow on my upper torso, it totally looks like I've got black wings. How ironic. I wonder if that means anything...

(Crow, astonished that Rakka is falling and being so existential, flees)

Rakka: Um, thanks anyway. So, I wonder if there are any hot guys in this dream.

(Rakka sees clouds)

Rakka: So, I'm falling over a city? It looks pretty, but I'm guessing this is getting too weird for viewers. Let's move on, shall we?



(Scene, Not-an-angel-girl is walking with a cigarette in her mouth and boxes in her hand. Not boxes of cigarettes. We think. It would be much more humorous if the cigarettes were in her hand and boxes were in her mouth, but I digress)

Reki: Hmm, I'm just going to back up a step or two and look in this room...Good Grief! I have got to start dusting for spiders a lot sooner next year. Oh, wait!

(Reki stares for a few seconds)

Reki: Oops! I just dropped my cigarette. When something is involuntarily dropped in this series, that means it's big.

(Reki puts out the cigarette and runs)

Reki: This is big!

ANNOYING ANIME FANS: Don't you mean, "This is bad?" Dubs suck!

Reki: Guys, don’t start with me.



(After a few quaint scenes of, well, quaintness and a sign threatening impending doom to anyone who interrupts the cocoon room.)

(Quaint string section continues)

Hikari: Hi, I'm Hikari. This opening scene with me and Kana will help establish my cute, sweet nature. It will contrast with Kana's somewhat rough, sassy demeanor. That's why it's such an ironic and providential thing that we arrive on the scene right now at this point, when the plot is getting to be a bit too odd for some people.

Kana: Grumble, Grumble.



(Scene: Reki is bogged down with little children with wings and a halo. But they aren't angels. Got that? Good. We proceed.)

Reki: Sorry, no kids allowed.

Unexplained Kids: Why not?

Reki: Those were the rules when I was your age. Well, not really, but they would have been if....

Kana: Bugger off, midgets!!

Reki: So, does everyone want to dance around what's going to happen here?

Hikari: Absolutely! Some big is going to happen. It's part of our rituals. Oh, did I mention we're "Habane"? Anyway, that's us.

Reki: Can anyone take time off of work?
Kana: Of course. It's not like it necessary for us anyway. I've been studying Calvin and Luther and I....

Reki: Just a "yes" would suffice.



(Scene: Cocoon room. Reki, Hikari, Kana, Two unknown Habane are inside a quaint, otherwise abandoned, room. Oh, there's a huge cocoon as well.)

Kuu: It's huge! I'm gonna flap my little wings right now and throw some foreshadowing at the viewers!

Hikari: Expositional question time: So this thing was pretty small at first, right?

Kana: Yup. Pretty little. But this is pretty big so NO ONE would EVER miss something like this.

Nemu: We should clean in here.

Kuu: I'm just laughing and excited. I'm fairly innocent and pure, so I hope to endear myself to the audience and the newcomer pretty quick.

Hikari: With this room so dirty and secluded, what if no one discovered this thing in time?

Reki: **COUGHHACK** Well, that'd **COUGH, COUGH** be pretty **HACK** traumatic and would probably set into motion a series of events that would cause the person **COUGHHACK** to deteriorate emotionally over seven years. But that's just my theory. Sorry, smoker's cough.

Kuu: My turn, we were all born like this?

Reki: Yup, all of the Haibawneh are born like this. Just like you and I, Kuu.

INTELLECTUAL ANIME FANS: So, just like Reki and Kuu, but no one else? What does that mean....

Reki: Guys, if you get caught up on that little factoid, this series is going to send you to the funny farm. Relax a little.

Unexplained Kids: It's huge!

Reki: Get lost, kids!

Nemu: Sweet irony: Reki's more excited than those kids, but she's obviously concealing it. I wonder how she got so good at that...

Kuu: I hope I get a little sister.

Kana: You won't. At least not literally.



(Scene: Inside the cocoon. Rakka awakes and attempts to breathe liquid.)

Rakka: Hmm..I can breathe in water. Now, I'm hearing voices. That's the last time I mix Cold Medicines.



(Scene: Outside the cocoon. A few minutes later)

Hikari: That was quick! It's all clean now!

Kana: I love cutaway scenes.

Kuu: I'm so excited and full of life!

Nemu: Should we take turns watching?

Rakka: Nah, I feel like coming out in a rather humorous way.

All (save Rakka): Huh..oh, uh, ahh!!

(Water comes out the door. Hilarity ensues.)



(Scene: Rakka's in bed in a room by herself)

CREEPY ANIME FANS: HEY! If she's just born, why is she wearing a sheet? Those fascist American censors don't let pure art into....(truncated from five pages of ranting)

Rakka: Hmm, strange bed, weird dream, and I have no idea where I am. If this weren't such a sweet show, I'd joke about this being just like every morning at UW-Stout, but I'll refrain.

Reki: Hey there, we're back.

Hikari, Nemu, Kuu, Kana: How do you feel? Do you think we're asking too many questions? Are you okay? Can we get you anything? Why a duck?

Reki: Okay, time to assert my authority. I'm going to try to explain everything from beginning is it okay if I smoke?

Rakka: Shouldn't that be two separate sentences?

Reki: Oops. Sorry...Of course, I meant it that way. I don't know what I was thinking. Think nothing of it. Really.

(Reki takes an oddly long puff)

Reki: So, about that dream....

Rakka: Dream?

Reki: Sorry, was it scary? NOT that this means ANYTHING, mind you.

Rakka: Nah, I just dreamt of falling. There were also horses singing "Take Me to St. Louis," but I don't know if that's as significant.

Reki: I don't think so, but falling is pretty cool and obscure. Let's go on that.

Hikari: Each of us Haibane are named by our dreams. Hikari means light.

INTELLECTUAL ANIME FANS: mutter, ponder, mutter.

Kana: My name means river-fish. At first it was "Sakekuse," but I protested.

Kuu: I'm air.

INTELLECTUAL: Hmmm, ponder, interesting, ponder.

Reki: Remember anything else?

Rakka: Nope, but it'd sure make for an interesting episode if I suddenly remembered in the future.

Reki: Me too. Do you know another name for falling?

Kana: Gerald Ford!

Hikari: Jerry Lewis!

Kuu: Chevy Chase!

Reki: Guys, we're going to choose something Japanese. It's cool in an ominous sort of way. Let's choose "Rakka."

Rakka: Don't I get a choice in this?

Reki: Nope, no one remembers who they were before they went into the cocoon. It adds mystery.

Rakka: Oh. Fair enough.

Hikari: Here's a halo for you. May it guide you, whatever that means.

Rakka: ...and also be with you.

Rakka: It won't stay on top of my head!

Reki: No problem! Along with being the new person and full of fear, we decided a huge metal band around your head would add to the humiliation.

Kana: Oh well, back to work.

Hikari: See you after your wings grow in. We'll hear you when they come in.

Nemu: Reki, since you're the one with guilt and redemption issues, you wanna help her?

Reki: Of course. Any questions so far, Rakka?

Rakka: Where am I? What's Haibane? That is how it's said, right?

Reki: The pronunciation varies wildly, even among us.

Rakka: But what is Haibane?

Reki: You think I'm answering that after only 20 minutes? Ha! I'll just misdirect you by flapping my wings.

Rakka: Cool! Are they real?

Reki: Your about to find out.

Rakka: Ow! My back is bothering me.

Reki: Your wings are coming in. It’s as if I planned it ahead to help you though this to boost my own diminished ego and self-worth.

Rakka: Why am I here?

Reki: Again, there’s no way I’m telling you so much so soon. Just wait for your wings to come out.

Rakka: Woah, Nelly!

Reki: Here, bite on my thumb. It’ll further endure you to me!

Rakka: How’s my back look?

Reki: You ever seen Ravioli in a can?

Rakka: Oh, thanks **hurl**

Reki: This is it: prepare for a bunch of metaphors thrown into one!

(Wings come out, and it’s pretty gross. But like childbirth, puberty, and urine tests, the painful part is quickly over.)

Rakka: (Emmy-worthy scream)

(Time passes. Rakka passes out. Reki passes the time by combing out her wings)

Rakka: My back aches, my arms ache, and my entire body is sore. I’ve never been hit by a train, but I’m guessing this is how it feels.

Reki: You say something?

Rakka: Sorry, I was just doing an aside. I didn’t think anyone was supposed to hear those.

Reki: That’s fine, but we’ll be the only ones who really do it. After you feel better, have a comb for your hair.

Rakka: Reki! My hair makes funny noises when I comb it!

Reki: Look, we had to bring a little bit of levity into the end of this episode. It was getting pretty intense for awhile.

Rakka: Is my hair going to be like this forever?

Reki: It’s fine.

ANNOYING FANS: Hey! She said “Probably!” This translation is terrible, and the English actors are the worst…

Reki: Don’t make me come over there, kids. Hey, Rakka, move just a little to the left.

Rakka: Right here?

Reki: Yeah, I can get the sun to shine down on you in just the right place to end the show. Welcome to Old Home. I’ll explain it when I have more time.

Rakka: Okay, anything else I need to do?

Reki: One more thing for the closing credits: We’ve got a huge record player you need to go sit on. Quick – set it to 45RPM and hunch down. I’ve got some Dramamine somewhere….